Chloe Boland

A Mirror to Our Own World? Bridgerton and The Mystification of Female Sexuality

Bridgerton may be a show set in the 1800s and very far removed from life today, but there is one feature of the show that struck me as very similar to our modern world – the absolute secrecy of female sexuality. Young ladies are raised being taught how to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, to be what a husband need and yet not once do their Mamas dare to speak to them of sex, or what “happens at night,” in the words of our dear Duke of Hastings. They marry absolutely clueless to the world of sex. One scene in particular highlighted just how much female sexuality is hidden from them and bears striking resemblance to modern society’s attitude to female sexuality.

Daphne and Simon stand on a bridge, Daphne asks about the intimacy of marriage, she is confused, Simon finds her confusion almost funny. “You do touch yourself?” he asks. Daphne’s reaction tells us all we need to know about female sexuality and masturbation in this fictional 1800s society – it is unspoken of. The problem is it is not all that different from our own society. We live in a world where men can talk openly, and are almost encouraged to talk openly about their sexuality. It is not taboo, it is not disgusting. In fact it is “healthy” and a good thing for them. On the other side of this coin is female sexuality, that is silenced, unheard of, not supposed to be talked about, not supposed to exist unless it is for the pleasure of a man. Female sexuality and female pleasure is secondary to male pleasure. It is not something that is supposed to be talked about, let alone with joy and enthusiasm.

We have to hand it to Bridgerton though, not only did the show hand us a mirror to our society and show us just how foolish our attitudes to female sexuality is, it also gave us a scene of female masturbation. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I have seen female masturbation discussed and portrayed so openly on television. It was an exciting breath of fresh air to watch. I can only imagine what it was like for younger vagina-owning people to watch – to see such a scene on such a popular t.v show, perhaps for the first time in your life. I don’t think the importance can be understated when female pleasure, particularly masturbation, is still so taboo. I don’t think I will ever understand the taboo. Why did I grow up hearing male YouTubers talk so openly about masturbation thinking it was something people with a vagina just couldn’t do. Never once in the years of abysmal sex education was it ever mentioned (although I shouldn’t surprised really). It took deep Google searches for me to find my answers.

I guess I owe Bridgerton a thank you. A thank you for doing what very few t.v shows dared to do. For saving at least one young person from that deep Google dive. And most importantly for holding a mirror up to our society and asking “this u?” regarding how we treat female sexuality.

Getting involved in activism

I went to school in a really rural area with seemingly little opportunities that were not sport related. I was intrigued by activism and really wanted to get involved in making social change. However, I found it really difficult to find volunteering / activism opportunities (maybe because I simply wasn’t searching hard enough). It wasn’t until I got to college that I started getting involved in activism and finally felt like I was doing something I was born to do.

Getting involved in activism (different college societies, SpunOut etc.) has opened me up to so many amazing opportunities, allowed me to meet really incredible people and make new friends, all while helping others and making a difference. Once I started getting involved in various different things in college I quickly learned about all the opportunities that would have been available to me when I was younger if I had just known where to look. My experience of activism has been really positive and wholesome, and I want to share my advice and experience in hopes that anyone who is like my younger self wanting to be involved but not knowing how will be able to do what took me much longer to figure out.

One of the best ways I’ve gotten involved in activism is through joining SpunOut. Joining SpunOut is an incredible way to get involved in activism and opens you up to so many different opportunities! You can start by writing articles on things that interest you (that’s where I started). If you’re interested in becoming even more involved keep an eye out for the Action Panel recruitment where you can apply to be a part of your regional Action Panel. I may be slightly biased but I would highly recommend applying! Here is the SpunOut.ie Website. It is also a brilliant website for finding advice and answers to different questions you may have about life, education, sex, work, etc.

However, opportunities might be more local than you would think. Most towns have a youth group that you can get involved in either as a volunteer or as a member. Give a quick search and you should be able to find youth groups near you and how to get involved. Similarly to SpunOut, joining a youth group can open you to many more opportunities.

There’s an amazing website and app that I recently discovered that I absolutely love! It’s called i-Vol.ie. You can sign up really easily and the website shows you volunteering opportunities in your area and how you can get involved!

While there are many ways you can get involved in activism it isn’t always as easy to get involved in exactly what you want. Maybe you want to to be involved feminist activism or climate activism and such opportunities may not be as easy to find, particularly in rural areas such as where I’m from. However, you can actually set up your club / organisation that does what you want! I always thought I had to wait for college until I could really start doing the things I wanted to do, but it is possible to take matters into your own hands and create the change you want to see. Again do some research into what exactly you want to set up, maybe ask your school or your local youth club if they’d be willing to help you with it. You don’t have to wait for college like I did!

These certainly aren’t the only ways you can start getting involved in activism. There are so many other ways that I am probably not even aware of. Little things like googling or asking people you know about organisations they’re involved with are a quick and easy way to find out more. Activism is so empowering and heartwarming and I would recommend it to anyone who has even the tiniest desire to make a change in the world! Not to sound like a cliché but you can be the change you want to see in the world!

Our Attitude to Sexual Assault

April 2019, taxi driver Mansoor Uddin who sexually assaulted three women in 2016, was granted bail provided he carries no women as front-seat passengers. A taxi driver who sexually assaulted three of his passengers is allowed to keep his licence and continue to carry female passengers.

September 2018, three students in Cork were raped at the beginning of the college year. Two of these girls dropped out of college to return home. One of these girls was too afraid to tell her own parents what had happened as she had been drinking, thinking it was her fault. The rapists’ lives continued as normal.

March 2018, Rugby players Paddy Jackson and Stuart Olding, walked away free of charge after a nine week trial on the charges of rape. Their lives continue as before, the disbelieved woman’s life is forever changed. Paddy Jackson even returns to rugby in May 2019.

Girls are told from a young age that we can’t walk alone at night, that we can’t for even a second take our eyes off a drink, that we should wear modest clothing, our dresses can’t be too short, our neck-lines not too low. If we were drinking it was our fault. If our skirt was too short we were asking for it. It was the alcohol, it was the clothes, we’re vengeful and liars trying to get back at someone we don’t like. We are to blame. We are the problem. Too slutty. Too drunk. Not careful enough. It’s never the sexual predator, the rapist, the person who actually committed the crime, it’s never actually their fault. People don’t want to take the victims seriously, because that means their precious rugby player, or star student is actually a criminal, because it might upset their successful life. It’s easier to claim the victim is lying or that she was asking for it than it is to blame a taxi driver with a family or a successful rugby player with adoring fans. But I ask you, why would someone lie about that? Why would someone pretend they were sexually assaulted when the treatment of victims in this country is so vile? Why would someone make up a story only to be called a liar, to be blamed for it because they were drinking, or to have their underwear shown in court? The rates of rapists who walk free is an awful lot higher than the rates of people who lie about sexual assault, and yet it is still the victims who aren’t taken seriously.

The shaming and blaming of victims needs to stop. The punishment of rapists need to be taken more seriously. It’s not acceptable that a taxi driver who sexually assaulted three women is allowed to continue driving provided female passengers sit in the back. Girls sitting in the back of the car won’t prevent that man from sexually assaulting them if that’s what he chooses to do, won’t stop him from sexually assaulting a male passenger who sits in the front seat. Why is the punishment for not having a TV licence or stealing a chocolate bar taken so much more seriously than issues of sexual assault when such a thing can affect someone for the rest of their lives?

It is time the justice system in this country was changed, to actually punish people for the crimes they commit. It is time that victims stopped being blamed. It is time people stop telling victims they should have been more careful about their actions and instead make sure rapists stop raping. The time for making excuses is up. Change needs to happen.

Going Veggie on a Budget

Vegan and vegetarian diets often get a bad rep for being very expensive. This reputation didn’t create itself and there is certainly some truth to it as many vegan and vegetarian ready made meals and snacks can be quite expensive when compared to their meat and dairy containing counterparts. However, it is also true that vegan and vegetarian diets can be done cheaply, even cheaper than a meat eater’s diet. This post contains some of the things I have learned about being veggie on a budget over the past few years.

Stock Up on Staples

There are certain foods that I make sure I always have in my presses or freezer that I know I can make a tasty meal from even when I’m caught for time. Some of my staples include chickpeas, baked beans, a bag of frozen mixed veg, pasta, tinned tomatoes and dried barley soup mix (like this one from Tesco). Always having these in my kitchen just means I always have something to make a quick meal from and stops me from ordering takeaways.

Alternative Protein Sources

“BuT WheRe dO YoU GeT YouR PRoteIn FrOM?” An all too commonly asked question when I tell people I’m a vegetarian and yet all these years later I’m still not deficient in protein. It’s actually quite easy to get protein as a vegetarian or vegan, even without relying on meat alternatives such as TVP, Quorn or Tofu. Pulses such as lentils, chickpeas, kidney beans etc. are high in protein, easy to cook with and cheap. Nuts and nut butters are also high in protein, great for snacking and again not that expensive. Just make sure with nut butters you’re buying palm oil free versions. I often see Meridian Peanut Butter on special offer in Supervalu and Holland Barrett, 1kg for €5 – hard to say no to. Seeds are another good source of protein and a great addition to certain dishes or simply for snacking. Adding a small amount of chia seeds to porridge or yoghurt is a great way of including some extra protein, or adding sunflower seeds to a stir fry. Nuts and seeds can be a bit pricey but they are filling and as they are usually eaten in small amounts meaning they last a good amount of time.

Learn to Make a Few Dishes Well

Having a few solid meals up your sleeve really helps because it greatly reduces your dependency on pre-made meals which tend to be very costly. Learning to make a few dishes will help you save money and can actually make cooking something to look forward to. The Happy Pear have a lot of videos on their YouTube channel for quick and easy vegan meals that anyone can make. Have a look through their channel and find some that interest you.

Think Ahead

Before going shopping, I like to look at what I already have, think about what I can make with it and what else is needed. This helps make sure you use up the food you’ve already bought, make the most of your money, and prevent food waste. When coming up with a loose idea of what I am going to cook for the week I also like to think of meals that require some of the same ingredients just so I don’t end up buying a load of one thing and never finishing it.

Convenience Food Stock

I know I’ve harped on about how expensive convenience foods can be and given some advice on how to avoid spending that money and now I’m going to completely contradict myself by saying it can be helpful to have some convenience foods in the freezer. There are some days when you’re feeling tired or lazy or are just very busy and cooking really isn’t an option. On days like this it is always handy to have a few options in you freezer to choose from, especially when the other option is a takeaway which is considerably more expensive, The Happy Pear (if I hadn’t mentioned them enough already) have a good range of pre-made vegan meals and are available in SuperValu and Centra.

Vegan and vegetarian diets don’t have to be expensive and are becoming more and more accessible!

A Veggie’s Guide to Cork

I love being a vegetarian, it has forced me to be more adventurous with my food and eat a wider variety of veg and pulses. It made me look further than Spagbol and Chicken Curry and turned me into the foody I am today. One of the biggest downsides to being a vegetarian however is eating out – it isn’t always the best experience and can sometimes be quite frustrating. Sometimes you get lucky and discover the most amazing vegetarian lasagne ever and other times your only option is a mediocre stir fry or a margarita pizza. Having lived in Cork for the last year I’ve eaten out more times than I would like to admit but I’ve certainly learned some of the best and worst places to eat as a vegetarian.

Reardens

Cuisine Type: Pub Food

If you’re looking for the all too classic margarita then Reardens is the place to go. This is the first place I ever ate in Cork and let me tell you the pizza was delicious but it was the only vegetarian option on the menu. If you’re craving pizza here is the place to get it but if you’re looking for options I wouldn’t recommend.

Scoozis

Cuisine Type: American-Italian

I mean it’s only one of the most well known restaurants in Cork so I couldn’t leave Scoozis out. The vegetarian options are limited, but at least there are a few options. Again the classic margarita is delicious and I have also heard great things about the vegetarian lasagne. Your choices are limited but whatever you get you can be guaranteed it will be proper good food.

Margarita, Garlic Bread and Chicken (which we’ll ignore) and Sweetcorn Pizza

Ramen

Cuisine type: Asian Street Food

Imagine a place where as a vegetarian you can eat everything on the menu. Well Ramen is that place, provided you like tofu that is. Everything in Ramen can be gotten with chicken, shrimp, beef or tofu, making everything a vegetarian option, and as an added bonus, there are quite a few vegan dishes as well! I normally wouldn’t be a massive tofu fan but it works well in any of the Ramen dishes I’ve tried. Don’t go in expecting a fancy gourmet meal, it’s simple, quick Asian Street Food but it is enjoyable.

Wetherspoons

Cuisine Type: Bar Food

Spoons is a staple for every college student and luckily even vegetarian’s can enjoy the food here. There are quite a few options for vegetarians here, everything from paninis to baked potatoes to pizza to a veggie breakfast. Similar to Ramen it’s no gourmet restaurant but simple, agreeable food, and more importantly a place you can enjoy a good variety of choice!

Jacket Potato with Roasted Veg, Coleslaw and Cheese

Coqbull

Cuisine Type: Chicken Restaurant (Google’s words, not mine)

Coq = chicken, bull = bull, the name doesn’t inspire much vegetarianism but there are a surprising number of veggie options available on their dinner menu. The menu has changed since I last ate there but the food was very nice on the old menu so I can only presume this new menu is just as nice. And to make things even better this new dinner menu has 2 vegan burger options!

Liberty Grill

Cuisine Type: Steakhouse

I had to save the best until last. Liberty Grill might be one of the best places I have ever eaten out, and I swear I’m not being dramatic! The food is here is all locally sourced, high quality, extremely tasty and reasonably priced (maybe not quite for the broke student). The brunch menu has quite a few vegetarian options and even a few vegan options. The lunch/dinner menu has a whole vegetarian section! Personally I love the chickpea burger, it is seriously incredible! The flavour in it is amazing and that’s before you even get to the roasted baby potatoes that come with it, simply brilliant! I actually can’t recommend this place enough.

Spicy Chickpea Burger with Roasted Baby Potatoes

Climate Change

Our planet is in serious danger. The ice caps are melting, destroying the habitat of all the species that live there. The sea levels are rising, to a point where low-lying countries (Ireland included) may be devastatingly affected. Changing weather patterns may affect the growth of food we love, making it less and less available (this includes tea, just to worry you even more).

However, there are small changes each of us can make in our lives that can help.

Reduce your plastic and single use products consumption; this can be difficult but it is entirely doable with just a little bit of consideration.
1. Have metal cutlery and a metal straw with you for eating out or take aways.
2. Bring your own container, a reusable water bottle and a keep-cup when going out. You never know when ou might need them!
3. Have a tote bag for groceries and shopping, so you don’t have to take a new bag every time. It’s really simple to keep a tote bag or reusable shopping bag in your handbag/school bag at all times!
4. If possible in your area buy products in bulk and use reusable containers (mason jars, lunch boxes, etc.). This obviously isn’t possible for everyone but if it is possible for you it is a simple change you can make! The English Market in Cork has a few stalls where ou can buy pulses and grains in bulk and you get a dsicount for bringing your own container.
Reduce meat and dairy consumption. Farming is one of the highest contributors to greenhouse gas emissions and reducing your consumption might be easier than you think.
1. Take things slowly, start with baby steps such as replacing cows milk in tea with a non dairy substitute or eating veggie sausages instead of “normal” ones.
2. Try having a meatless day every week, “meatless Mondays” are becoming popular.
3. Start following vegan and vegetarian YouTubers and chefs such as the Happy Pear, they show that being vegan is totally doable!
Be considerate of your electricity usage and make changes where you can. It doesn’t have to be anything drastic, just simple things like making sure lights are turned off in empty rooms or appliances aren’t left switched on or charging overnight.
Minimise use of unnecessary water. Take shorter showers when you can, don’t leave the tap on when brushing your teeth, don’t turn on half loads in the washing machine or dishwasher.
Opt for more sustainable fashion. Start shopping in charity shops or thrift stores, reduce your buying of “fast fashion” and online stores such a Boohoo or Pretty Little Thing, opt for more sustainable fabrics. @sustainablefashiondublin on Instagram offer some wonderful advice on more sustainable fashion choices.
Become active. Sign petitions, contact local politicians, participate in protests, use your social media voice for good. It is largely big corporations contributing to Global Warming and Climate Change and without proper government action these big businesses won’t change their ways. We can make changes in our everyday lives but it is also important to demand change from the people in power. (Follow Extinction Rebellion on social media for all the information you need on protests and action being taken for climate change. Extinction Rebellion website. Extinction Rebellion Ireland.

Climate Change poses a serious threat to our planet and unless we start taking action now the long term effects will be critical and irreversible. The planet isn’t ours to keep or to destroy. Future generations deserve to live on anf access fully the planet like we and past generations have and this won’t be possible if we continue to destroy it inour live time. If Greta Thunberg can do all the incredible things she is doing then each of us can make small changes in our everyday lives!

What I Wish I Had Known Before College

Every sixth year knows the feeling of watching First Year College students who were once in their school embarking on their college adventure; being in the middle of doing homework and seeing Snapchat stories of these students getting ready to go out on a Thursday night, or practicing for your Irish oral and seeing pictures of a Chinese takeaway. Throughout sixth year you feel a mixture of excitement and jealousy every time you see a post of the “college life.” You just can’t for that to be you. Reality doesn’t hit until you’ve finally started college and you see that the “college life” you have seen online isn’t entirely accurate. College can be pretty amazing and certainly some of the best years of your life, but there are parts of college that aren’t fun or glamorous. Despite what we are often led to believe college is still real life and it isn’t a three or four year holiday. Before starting college there are some things that I wish I had known that might have made the transition easier. I am not making this list to scare anybody or put people off college but more to prepare people for the reality of college, that is not the romanticised version I had in my head before starting.

Moving Away From Home

For a lot of us college is the first time moving out of home and living without our families. This is for sure exciting and the freedom is great but there are certain drawbacks. If you’re going into student accommodation and living with people you don’t know you might end up with some people who you don’t exactly see eye to eye with, who will have been brought up differently to you, or who value different things in life. This is perfectly normal and doesn’t mean you won’t be able to enjoy yourself, but be prepared to meet people who see the world differently than you do. Some people will meet their best friends in student accommodation and some people will meet people who are the complete opposite to them. Either way it’s up to you to make the effort to get to know these people and try to get along with them.

Living away from home also means being entirely responsible for the upkeep of your space, something not everyone is used to. You’d be surprised at how quickly a mess can mount up if you don’t keep on top of tidying.

Within a few weeks of living without my family I quickly realised how much I took for granted always having someone to talk to. At home there was always someone around to chat with, whether it was about my day at school, their day at work or something from the news. In my apartment there were often times when there was no one around to talk to because we all different timetables and were at home at different times of the day.

Finally be prepared to actually have to decide what you’re going to eat for dinner every day. The decision is more difficult than you might think, and definitely gets boring after about a week!

Packing

When packing my bags to move into my apartment I brought just about everything but the kitchen sink: almost every item of clothing I owned, 10+ bed sheets and duvet covers, beauty products I had never used, a whole new set of stationary, everything from pencils to massive binder folders. You’re only away for five days a week (seven if you don’t go home at weekends) and there is access to a washing machine so bringing all of your clothes is completely unnecessary. There is no need to take up space with clothes you’re never going to wear. Your bed can only fit one sheet at a time, and again there are washing machines, so the most you will need are two sheets. There is no point in buying all your stationery and homeware at home and lugging it all to college with you, the city you’re moving to will have stationary and homeware shops – save yourself the hassle and buy them when you get there. Keep your packing to a minimum, you’ll thank me later!

Making Friends

For some people this is easy and for others, like myself, can be quite difficult. You’ve probably already heard this and you will definitely hear in many more times but clubs and societies are the best way of making friends. And no, showing up to one dance class and one FemSoc event doesn’t really count as joining a club or a society. I was so excited to be apart of clubs and societies and joined a solid twenty at the start of the year and by October I had let fear get the better of me and never went to any of the events or meetings. Don’t repeat my mistakes, don’t let fear over rule you, pick a club or a society that interests you, join the committee and commit yourself to it. It’s an amazing way to meet people with similar interests to you. Clubs and societies and particularly good for students who are in big (and disjointed) courses such as Arts.

Going Out

Possibly what college students are most notorious for – drinking and going out – and it is with good reason. Going out is a big part of college life, with most college’s having a designated “going out night” (Thursdays in Cork if you’re interested 😉 ). Going out isn’t for everyone, like myself, and that’s totally cool too. I was very worried people would judge me for not wanting to go out all the time or for not drinking but it was actually the opposite. If you’re not someone who loves going out don’t worry about it, people aren’t going to judge you and you will find people who are like you. There are so many people out there who don’t want to go out every week and there are many different things you can do to enjoy yourself – going out for dinner, to the cinema, to a show, staying in and having a movie night etc. Going out isn’t the only way people can enjoy themselves in college. But for when you do go out remember to look out for one another, make sure your friends get home safe and if you’re drinking do not let your drink out of your sight.

Enjoying Your Course

Not everyone will fall in love with their course straight away. Some people will know by week two that their course was the one for them and will instantly love it. Others might not be so sure for some more time. Personally, I wasn’t sure about my course until after Christmas and there were moments in the first few weeks where I hated it. This was a combination of many things: being away from home, trying to make friends, adjusting to a new style of learning, starting new and unfamiliar subjects. It was a lot for me to adjust to and for a while I wanted nothing more than to move home. Thankfully I had some tough love people in my life that made me stick with and now I can safely say I love my course and know it is right for me. The moral of the story is that your course and college life can be difficult to adjust to but if it’s something you were ever excited about it is worth sticking with because you will get to a place where you’ve settled in and can start to enjoy yourself and what you’re learning. You know yourself better than anyone and a part of me (deep down) knew that I should stay and stick it out, and for most people I would give them that advice: stick with it! However if you’re in a position where you think staying in this course is the wrong choice for you professionally or for your mental health then leave it. You have to do what’s right for you and your health.

College can be a really great time and is something to look forward to (if you want to go, of course), but it is not the same as the romanticised version we see online and in the media. I hope you can learn something from my experience so far and have a really good year!

The World’s Relationship with Feminism

Growing up I believed feminism to be a dirty word. It was a word I had always heard linked with negative connotations. “Ugh the feminists are at it again.” “Would the feminists ever give it a break?” I was never given any proper definition of the word but the world around me, both online and in real life, never had anything positive to say about feminism, only that it was something to stay away from.

Surely you can understand my confusion when thirteen year old me finally decides to research feminism and find out what all the fuss (hatred) was about.

Feminism, noun, the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

What in the world could be so wrong with people fighting for the equality of genders? It seemed like such a basic instinct to me that all genders should be equal and it just didn’t make sense to me why anyone would be opposed to this. Despite having grown up in the conservative environment of rural Ireland I was lucky in a way that I had never been exposed to true sexism. I grew up in a house where both my parents worked and provided for us, where they both had a fairly equal share of household tasks. I didn’t have brothers so it was just me and my sisters who were all treated the same. My mother never spoke to us about the sexism she experienced at work. I was naive to the environment of sexism that exists in our world and thus clueless to the concept of feminism, why we need it and why people hate it.

However, as I grew older I became more exposed to and aware of the sexism in our world. Whether it was boys always getting sporting preferences in school, the lack of women in positions of power or even the lack of female faces on posters during election seasons, I quickly began to realise that the world we live in is not one where all genders are equal. I longed to declare myself a feminist but still the notion that it was a negative concept echoed in my mind. Thanks to the internet I was able to find feminist Twitter accounts, Tumblrs and Instagrams and fully learn what feminism was about. It didn’t take long before I overcame this fear of calling myself a feminist and starting teaching gender equality to anybody who would listen. However, I still couldn’t understand why people hated feminists, why people loved to give out about those who wanted something so simple as gender equality.

I have come to accept that there are many reasons why people hate feminism: fear that women are looking to take over the world, fear that men may become oppressed (like women have been for all of history), fear that men will lose their power, but mostly I believe it is a lack of education. People fear what they cannot understand and if people are taught that feminism is about women taking over the world it is then understandable why people would hate it. These people are wrong. Feminists don’t want to take over the world or oppress men. What feminists want is actually quite simple: equality for all genders, for men and women to be equal in all aspects and for the recognition and acceptance of all genders. It really isn’t that complicated, nor is it something that people should fear. With proper education and information we can teach the world what feminists are fighting for and overcome this misunderstanding of feminism that the world faces.

Feminism is important, it is necessary. Women deserve to be paid the same as men. Men should be able to express emotion without being judged for being “too girly” or “weak.” The idea that feminine traits aren’t desirable should be abolished. Trans and non-binary people deserve to be recognised and accepted by the world. This isn’t taking over the world, this is just fighting for equality, for what’s right and trying to make the world a more inclusive place for everyone.

Lessons from RuPaul’s Drag Race

If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love someone else. If I had a euro for every time I’ve heard this… But in all seriousness if you actually listen to the message you’ll realise how true it is. Learning to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are is one of the most important things you can do. If you want to put your best self forward into the world you have to be able to love that self before you can expect any one else to. It’s hard to love someone or expect anyone to love you if you can’t love yourself first

Putting someone else down doesn’t make you better. It happens a lot where one queen will try to make another queen look bad in order to make themselves look better. Doing this is so pointless. If you want to make yourself look good do it through practice and hard-work that will actually make you better. Putting others down or sabotaging others does nothing to help you become better, it just makes you look a shitty person. Focus on yourself and not others, it’s the best way to do well.

Don’t Sleep on It: Being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you can take your foot off the pedal. Once too many a Queen has gone from winning a challenge to being in the bottom or under performing in the next challenge because they got too comfortable. This can be applied to any part of life, being good at something doesn’t mean you don’t have to work. If you want to succeed you need to work, no matter what it is.

Confidence is Key. If you exude the right level of confidence you can convince the world you’re killing it. Sell yourself like Alyssa and her camera dress and you can make people believe whatever you want.

Put your mental health first. *AS2 Spoiler* Adore leaving All Stars 2 may have broke our hearts, but it’s an important lesson for everyone to put your mental health first. You have to do what’s best for you, no matter what other people may think or say. You have to look after yourself.